


Cretin

by zero_paradise



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: AU, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, general carlos de vil situaiton, jay can steal anyone's heart any day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:13:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zero_paradise/pseuds/zero_paradise
Summary: At the height of his career, Carlos has finally found the courage to end it all. Just as he’s ready to take the final steps, a thief steals his only chance and maybe something else.
Relationships: Jay/Carlos de Vil
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	Cretin

**Author's Note:**

> _I have a lot of Jaylos fics pooling around in my head. This one has been at the top for a lot of reasons, I might write more, but for now this might stay as a oneshot. We’ll see. Enjoy. Please be sure to comment below! Also this fic has no beta._

****

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Cretin**  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Carlos was on top of the world. He was free. He had never been more thankful for a wrap party or one of Cruella’s exclusive lines to be a hit. Everyone stood for the standing ovation. Carlos could see, with the house lights up, assistants hastily bringing out their phones placing a bid or an order. How much more would they spend after the Haus De Vil experience? The runway was just the hook and line. Mannequins lined the halls like knights in a castle many with a plaque noting its place in Cruella’s personal collection

The building glowed red, the entire hotel repurposed into Cruella’s vision, complete immersion. Every lightbulb in every hall, bathroom, and event center had been swapped for crimson. Everything reflected her ascetic. The world painted in Carlos’ colors. Tapestries of his face in different clothing lined the walls. Maybe he should have pulled them down, tear down the lies as he left this world. He didn’t know if a pile of broken bones was how he wanted to be remembered, if he wasn’t quickly forgotten. His mother was good with lies, let her write his narrative in death as she had in life. 

He’s a clumsy mutt, isn’t he?

Carlos never spoke, his silence a trademark. Apparently, he let the size double zero clothing do the talking. The media called it a gimmick along with the shades Cruella pushed on his face minutes before interviews began, _keep that petulant void look to yourself would you mutt?_

Even the staircases were painted in red lights. The music from the after party muted in the concrete path. Here he didn’t have to listen and see every TV played highlights from the show on loop. His walk of shame on repeat. Each step near his last. If the cameras could see him now Carlos would be unrecognizable, each step he learned to smile more. The blank distant look a thing of the past. Hope was before him. His hands shook and his thighs burned, the staircase to heaven was endless. 

The painstaking path troubled him, was ending it all better than enduring it? 

Carlos damned his shoes, tall pointed heels, studded with jewels and diamonds. They weren’t meant to be walked in, just posed. Carlos dropped on a landing. He couldn’t keep walking, the ache! The burn! But what promise was so close. He slummed into the door; his posture had never been so bent in public. He rubbed his back against a door with large black numbers painted on the back as if he were teaching it a lesson. The fiftieth floor his only support. He was impressed and grateful the reception hall had been on the 36th floor. He might have actually died had he started on ground level. It was bad enough after each strut on the catwalk left him winded. 

Never enough fuel on the tank, his body couldn't keep up. He didn’t feel the hunger anymore, he lived through it. A gentle reminder he was still living a little voice screaming for something more. Finally, finally he’d get it to stop nagging, crying, screaming! The voice was insufferable. Fog and double vision were livable side effects. He only had to place his hands to hide his tremble to avoid questions. Questions lead to rumors. Rumors needed to be squashed under his mother’s red heal and Carlos was her first mark.

Fifty was a good place as any, the exhaustion insisted. No one was going to come in through this bannister. It’d be ages before they found him abandoned on the landing. They’d think it’d be ages with the lack of meat on him. Carlos considered it. He pulled Cruella’s favorite scissors from the pocket of his fur coat. This was the final look. The crowd had howled over the design and Cruella had never looked prouder. It was only right he took it with him. Clayton hadn’t been able to hunt enough Red Wolves to get her more than one pelt before the authorities were on his tail.

No one knew it wasn’t a true double zero, they didn’t know this coat hung loose on him. They bought into the look unaware it was made for Cruella instead. This was her one-of-a-kind pelt and she would have snatched it from his boney shoulders the moment the curtain fell, but the cameras were flashing behind stage. Carlos wasn’t grinning, he never smiled but Cruella knew he was loving it, keeping her precious baby from him. Her fingers twitched aching to claw it from him and rip it away. Carlos loved the stage, he loved the camera, and photoshoots. They were truly the only places he was out of her reach and safe. The world was more than a closet on the runway. Everyone was looking at him and for those few seconds, he wasn’t alone.

Cruella was worse to everyone before a fashion show. She was, however, no crueler to Carlos. She was picking him apart, pinching his sides, threatening under her breath how she would skin him again if the zipper stuck. Sometimes he wondered if he really had so many freckles or if they weren’t all just scars from pins. He was a dress form, not her son. Today she had little time to inspect him. Her stainless steel, custom made scissors, styled the shape of a dog. It’s head the blades snipped at a single thread. The woman saw everything. Not a single hair would be out of place with her clothing on him, as long as he was a De Vil, he’d look like it. 

“Places!” The stage manager had called, Cruella shrieked and thrusted the scissors against Carlos’ chest without thought. Driving the steal kiss against her son’s skin was second nature. It was a sign from Hades. Carlos’ had been thinking for twenty-eight years, was tonight the night? Here it is, in your hands. Take it, take it, take it!

The whispers had been ruthless tonight. But something incredible had happened. The voice shut up. Scissors in his coat, the voice went out with a silent, _yes_. The exhaustion left him numb, no good reason to say no. Everyone had their limit. Tonight the devil on the De Vill boy’s shoulder had finally won. It wasn’t with a heavy heart he conceded. Nothing about him was heavy.

He didn’t know how to do it. The answers always shifted. But the scissors were thrusted upon him. He put them in the pocket, the heaviness at least evened out the pull of the fabric. Runway shows were the singular instances of clarity that woman would ever have. They were also the only glimpse Carlos would have into the woman everyone believed Cruella to be. She had forgotten she stashed her designer lighter and case of cigarettes in the coat. Carlos was punching bag, pin board, dress form, pack mule, mistake—whatever she needed him to be in the moment.

Did he really want to be found on the stairs? Her scissors dug into his wrist? The walls closed in and his chest tightened. Hades, no. He didn’t want to die in four walls, this decision had nearly been taken from him every day of his life. With the chance in his hand he was going to decide for himself. 

The world tilted as he stood. The spinning rooms and warping walls were nothing to him. He moved along, slow steps and hand on the wall. His touch like a ghost, he didn’t leave a trace. He took only enough to support his way.

Freedom was wind wiping his perfectly straightened white and black hair into a mess. It was snow on his cheek. Liberty was his breath being stolen from him. The sky was pitch black. Despite the stars being unseen the city glittered like the diamonds on his neck. If it was cold, Carlos didn’t notice. He hated the furs, but Cruella was right, there was nothing like them. No embrace so loving, warm, and worth every dime. If it was cold, his skin was used to chills rattling his bones. 

Tonight, all of him hummed with energy, for the first time he was alive!

Carlos left a trail of long leather gloves from the staircase to the ledge of the building, one black, the other red. It wasn’t the tallest in the city, it’s height enough for the pull of gravity to tug a little harder.

“ _Did you know the higher you are, the faster time moves?_ ” Carlos wanted a witness to hear him. He wanted to exist a little longer, speak his mind and share. His genes betrayed him, distracted he looked down upon the world and imagined them crawling in slow motion. For once Carlos was living the high life. The air was tight and crisp on top, nothing like a stale closet. How would it feel to dive through time? Would the world slow just before impact? Perhaps he’d see his impending doom in slow motion or he might just welcome salvation with open arms. Snow crunched under the white leather booties. 

His laugh was breathless. _Please,_ Carlos thought. His hand taped his throat and he rubbed his chest, no one would give him comfort but himself. _Please_ , he thought again.

“Please,” his voice was hoarse and only the looming dark buildings with prying gargoyles witnessed his red lipped smile and crystal tears. Thin fingers taped his chest and wordless thank you to his heart. This was his last show. They would remember him, not truly him, but a version that was most acceptable. They could keep that version and Carlos would kill this one, the version that was sick and simply over everything. Joyless. Not hopeless, standing here hope was all around him, just on the pavement.

No. The world moved on, no one would ever know. They never did. Even the assistants who caught him when he fainted, who stitched him in suits and dresses didn’t know the truth behind his bruises and scars. Cruella was meticulous. His body was an inspiration, the bruises a map of where certain cut outs should be placed. He was walking art – how PROUD she was of her design!

Every hair on his head, she yanked and pulled demanding it grow. The natural two-tone ombre was never good enough. She poured chemicals on his head to straighten curls and the dyes never stuck. Carlos wielded the scissors and freed a part of himself. The snips choppy and without care. Long silver, white, and black hair whisked away on the wind. They’d be the first to age and hit the ground. 

Funny, he could have cut his hair ages ago to spare himself a number on the scale. He felt lighter and freer without his hair curtaining his face. Carlos spread out his arms. Wind welcome and rocked his lithe frame. The scissors noisily fell beside his feet.

The wait was over, he tasted freedom and needed more. The rail was thick enough to stand on. Carlos crouched. Ironically, he didn’t trust his balance. This was going to be on his terms, his timing and not a moment before. His body quaked as he rose. His arms hovered and waved about to counter his balance and stop the wobble.

“Okay.” The beaded and feather dress rattled in protest, the fabric loyal only to its creator. It was meant to shine on the runway lights, not paint the pavement. The clothes had never heard him speak and Carlos had never felt the fabric cling so tightly to him trying to pull and disway him. The clothes had been his only defense for so long. The only thing to keep him going, he’d keep living if the world was watching. He was the Isle’s top model, damned in a lucrative contract that he belonged only the The Haus De Vil. It’s okay, he stroked the fabric as Cruella might.

The world would never forget this. She would say ‘ _how clumsy he was, Darling. You know them, Twenty._ ’ Even the voice in his head couldn’t say his name properly. Cruella rarely recalled her son’s name but never forgot a measurement. Twenty was easier for her to say. He was never the right size, gender, frame, or stature. She couldn’t beat his bones hard enough to break and stay in place. But she could train him. Carlos fell still. He slept in a small closet under her greatest treasures and beside the traps that had acquired them. He would learn to be still if he didn’t want a kiss from a rusted trap.

The world went quiet. The sound of the city vanished and left him to his own thoughts.

Is this it?

Is this how?

Carlos fanned his arms out and closed his eyes. This was it. His answer, resolute. Freedom flowed all around him. He’d fall into the first welcoming hug from asphalt below and he hoped to thank it.

His world warped. Sick and dread filled his stomach. He had to, fear was vicious. If he thought a moment more—Carlos leaned into the wind. 

Gravity grasped him. Carlos lurched forward! His waist yanked backwards. His future only a fleeting glance,

“No!” He croaked. Terror ripped through him; he asked for this. He would demand it, freedom was near! He only had to jump for it. He waited so long to be brave and find the courage to face the truth. Freedom had a steep price; at last he was ready to pay. The chips were done and his money on black.

“I got you, got you!” The voice panted and pulled. Two bodies fell back, the roof of the building closer than the asphalt and cushioned by a body. Carlos twisted and fought; he clawed his way up. “It’s okay!” The man repeated and hooked his thick arms around weak and thin ones. The crushing hold might have hurt if losing his only chance didn’t hurt more.

This was it, his one chance thwarted. His body stilled and he covered his face. Hands petted his hair, the other panting still as he sat them both up.

Shit, shit, holy fuck. They cursed and asked, “What the fuck was that? What—” Carlos dropped his hands, blank expression casted on his alleged savior.

“Cretin?” Cretin was the real star. Cretin was the model Cruella marketed, she remembered that name in a crowd. ‘Where is the little _Cretin_?’ Sounded more friendly than twenty or mutt. Cretin was exactly whatever Cruella needed them to be. Long hair, plush lips, thick eyelashes and pliable. Carlos wore women’s wear or men’s. The magazines loved it. For Cruella it was convenient.

The stranger’s hand shook holding his waist still, the other grasping at his chopped hair. He looked to the edge, the door, and back to him. Confusion melted in fear, Carlos saw the revelation. His hold tightened and there was no escaping him now. He was quick, but this stranger was strong. He wasn’t exhausted by simply breathing or worn out from the climb of stairs, he had probably been smart enough to take an elevator. 

To his credit, he didn’t ask of Carlos was okay.

“You’re freezing.” The shaking wasn’t just the stranger’s hand. Carlos looked down to see himself. Fur coat open, the snow already starting to blanket the two of them. His gloves already blanketed with a sheet of white near the doors, he’d been a fool to abandon them, his skin now freezing and exposed. 

“Okay, okay.” The stranger knew him, Carlos mused. He wasn’t expecting any response, he knew Cretin didn’t speak. Cretin walked the runway with a blank look and empty mouth. The clothes did the talking. What were they saying now?

Pathetic? Better get him back in the cage?

“Shit.” The stranger took off his beanie and pulled it over Carlos’ hair and to the bottom of his ears. He followed his lead to stand. Carlos was patient and calm. He waited for a moment to make a break for it and run, he wouldn’t let this night be ruined.

Confused and shaken, the stranger lifted his hands just for a second. He cupped the back of his head, still asking what the fuck. The moment was too long.

Carlos darted for the railing. His boots slipped in the snow, but so did the stranger’s. His hands grasped at the fur and pulled at the fluff. Cruella would chop his fingers off one by one, knuckle to knuckle if she’d seen it, she’d do it before even thinking twice about him rushing the edge. Free of the garment, Carlos was like a feather. Nothing could stop him now! He sprung up to the railing and clamored over the edge. Time was moving fast again. 

Carlos didn’t let himself think. He leaned into the wind.

“Stop!” The words struck him light lightening, but it was the fierce embrace that electrocuted him. The railing separated them, the other kept a tight hold. His body shaking and shivering. “What ever it is, it’s not that bad.” His words were hot against his ears.

They were wrong and rung like an anvil. No. It really was _that_ bad.

“If you do this, you’ll never see it get better. It gets better.”

Twenty-eight years and it hadn’t gotten better yet. When did the switch flip? When did life start and he find his exit? The record was scratched and he was under the needle. Carlos shook his head, slow and clam. He had been desperate to get away, to get this part done. But this one needed to understand it wasn’t a rush decision; it was the only one.

“Can’t we just talk about it?”

Carlos tossed his head back, his laugh only a puff of smoking, hot breath in the freezing air. _Funny_.

The man squeezed harder, still shaking. “Can we get off the ledge?”

If he was so scared, he ought to just let go. They could go their separate ways and, Carlos gasped. He was thousands of miles above the ground, but a few feet more and his feet away from the ground had been terrifying. The stranger swept him from his feet and clutched him close. Carlos clung to his neck.

The man panted and skittered to the overhang under the roof door. He dropped hard to the ground, Carlos in his lap. This time he didn’t let go.

“Hades that was,” He shook his head. Carlos almost felt guilty watching tears in his eyes. He wasn’t shaking from the cold, just fear. He didn’t know what to do, the grip was desperate. He was firmly seated and the man was determined. Why?

Why couldn’t he have looked the other way like everyone else? Why now did someone have to be paying attention? Carlos shoved at his chest. Desire a quick flame to rise in him again. Rarely did he feel want, tonight he learned its name and its force. He wouldn’t let it end like this. This was his decision to make! He’d come so far! 

The pair squabbled and wrestled, though the outcome had already been decided the moment Carlos had climbed the stairs, maybe even earlier when Cruella had smacked the small cracker from his hand. If he wanted a snack she had a pill for him that would get the weight off rather than putting it on. The only ground he’d manage to make was settling between the stranger’s legs, arms still locked around him prevented him from going anywhere else.

“Just listen, okay? My name,” He swallowed, the fight hadn’t been a challenge but the topic was delicate. Carlos wasn’t faulting him on delivery, just hoping he’d spit it out already. There was still time. 

“I’m Jay. I have a tattoo. These are actual ruby earrings. I—I broke into this place. I live on the south side of the Isle, I…Uh. I like chocolate?” He rambled and stumbled over every word, his arms trembled, and he flexed his grip when Carlos breathed in too deep.

Why was he telling him this? Personal facts were more likely to dissuade a murder. Not this.

“I once snuck into a movie with a family because I didn’t want people knowing I was going alone.” 

Carlos tossed his hands up, he didn’t care. Stop, stop!

“I, I came today, same thing. I snuck in here too ‘ya know? I already said that. Fuck. Okay. Hey, you can have this.” Whatever this was Jay made no move to show him, afraid Cretin would sneak away again.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Obviously.

Carlos put his hand over Jay’s and patted his knuckles. It was alright, this wasn’t his fight. He didn’t need to feel bad or a loss. Carlos had chosen this. His peace had been made.

“No.” Jay squeezed. The force made Carlos gag. There wasn’t much there to soften the blow. He coughed and his head spun, the world straightening out as he looked up at the washed-out stars. At brown eyes. They twinkled with the city in them, he’d never seen something so…Dazzling. 

“Hey,” Jay whispered. His hold had lessened, his voice even softer. “I got you.” Fingers traced over his ribs and his eyebrows lifted. Carlos could see the realization, he hadn’t needed to squeeze so hard. There wasn’t an ounce of energy left in him. All his fumes truly exhausted.

“I came up here for a break.” Carlos thought he was about to start rambling again. His eyes followed his hand into his breast pocket and pulled out a KitKat. The orange wrapper something he’d seen on fleeting commercials while at studios.

Jay broke off a piece, Carlos accepted. 

This would be a first and a last.

No one had ever offered him chocolate, if he lived till morning Cruella would smell it on his breath and see it on the scale. Not his problem after tonight, Carlos assured himself and put the whole piece in his mouth. His eyes grew twice as big. He snapped his head and looked at Jay. The other was quizzical in his stare, the weight of the situation soon took back over and his eyes gazed at Carlos in worry.

The chocolate melted on his tongue, sweet! Soft! The thin wafer laid across his mouth and slowly dissolved. He hadn’t been hungry, he was never hungry but something inside him switched to famished like a jump start. Jay tilted the wrapper in a wordless offer, Carlos ravished it. This was his last meal— he was going to live a little! He was eating chocolate! His stomach flipped and twisted in strange angles. His body just as disappointed when there was nothing left.

It had been enough. Carlos slumped back against Jay, his hand laid across the beaded fabric over his stomach as if he’d eaten a ten-course meal. Carlos licked his lips, the taste of chocolate and matte wax weren’t a bad combination. 

“Cre,” Jay stopped. “Your name isn’t really Cretin right?” The chocolate must have been drugged, maybe it was the alcoholic sort and he was drunk. His lips lifted to easily in a lazy smirk, no, he shook his head. What person would name their child Cretin? Cruella would, he thought the answer quickly. She had made the mistake of naming him Carlos and had already signed the papers to make it official. If it wasn’t a minute wasted on him she might have changed it official to Cretin the hour after it was Auradon stamped and ink sealed.

Jay shivered and nodded, “cool.” His hand patted Carlos chest then flattened as he begun to sat up. He looked at Jay, his eyes round and pleading: _please. Please_.

“It’s not, no.” Jay refused. He tugged down his hat. “You can’t do that.” Carlos once thought that too, he might think that again if he didn’t do something now. His courage was fading and up so high the seconds were ticking two time. He motioned and waved his hands, the explanation lost in translation.

“You really don’t talk,” Jay gawked. He produced a phone an pulled up an app. For a moment, Carlos considered throwing it over the edge of the building. He would then personally offer to retrieve it. The scratches and worn edges sank into his fingers, he could feel something that wasn’t numbed by the cold. This phone was loved, used, it didn’t matter if it had imperfections it still worked.

Carlos typed, _I’ll be okay_. For the first time he was confident it was better than this. Anything would be better than being, Cretin-Twenty-Carlos-De-Vil.

“You’ll be dead.” The words caught on the wind and in Jay’s throat.

 _Does it matter_? Carlos typed, _We’re strangers_.

“We can not be?” His eyes were unsteady and searching. He was desperate to say something eye opening. Carlos smiled, sad and empty.

_Thank you. But that doesn’t change anything._

“I’ll miss you. I don’t want to see that.” Jay quickly added the later when Carlos looked down to type, he back spaced and said instead,

 _Then leave_. It wasn’t like Carlos wanted anyone to see him like this. He didn’t want to be the weak, pathetic, mutt Cruella had always claimed him to be. He just wanted it to be over. Jay didn’t have to be part of it, this was between Carlos and himself.

“Whatever is going on. It’s going to pass, you’ll be okay.”

No, Carlos shook his head once and sharp. This wasn’t a phase or a trial, his entire life was a disaster. One door lead to another all in the same fun house, The Hell Hall.

“Then something has to change, right? Me. Hey. Hello.” His laugh was tight and nervous, Carlos didn’t trust him, a stranger sticking his neck out. A single encounter didn’t do anything. He met hundreds of faces in a day, everyone was going to be a memory, he was just ready for it to be his turn.

“Look, I don’t know you. I don’t even know your name,” Jay pause and read the message on the phone.

“Carlos? Carlos.” He smiled like him getting his name meant anything all. “Carlos, right now if you jump. You’re going to hurt someone other than yourself. People are going to miss you.”

Carlos shook his head.

“your family.”

He shook his head.

“Your fans.”

There was hesitation then another shake. The hurt would fade, the pain on his chest had met his limit. 

“Then, then. Give me a day. One day before you go? If it’s not miserable, maybe try another? Then another.”

 _Why do you care? Why should I care you care_? Carlos practically shoved the phone in Jay’s face. He caught his wrist to steady the screen and carefully read the text.

“I think we’ve all been there. You just,” the cold ran through his body but he didn’t move his hands far from Carlos. “You don’t have that anchor, it takes time. I’ll be that buffer.”

You’re dragging it out. Jay was cruel, a day longer he might not have the same courage. An hour more Cruella would find him. He’d be mutt, Cretin clean this! Twenty stand still! Get to the closet! Your face, I can’t think!

His lips mouthed please; Jay was resolute. He shook his head, “one day. Please.” He pointed at the clock, just at midnight. “Twenty-four hours, like Cinderella.” Carlos tossed his head back, only half of that made sense, if Jay couldn’t keep his stories straight why should he bother.

“Death row, last super, you really want it to be a KitKat? Come on.”

_Bribing me won’t work. ___

__“Yeah. You have it all.”_ _

___Freedom,_ Carlos typed. He didn’t have anything. Everything in photographs was props and positioning. _ _

__“You don’t want to be Auradon’s number one? Isn’t that the next phase?” The words were stolen from the speech at the end of the fashion show, Cruella’s great plan. He stared at the snow piling around their feet, the cold flakes softer than any fur. If her enterprise could spread to Auradon, she and Clayton would have access to new breeds and game. Her obsession had no ends._ _

__“I’m freezing, C.” He put his hands under Carlos’ arms and lifted them together. The tremors had passed from Jay and into Carlos’. The cold finally breaking down his determination and the adrenaline had run dry in Jay’s veins._ _

__“Let’s go back to the p—”_ _

__Carlos shook his head and fisted Jay’s shirt. If he wanted twenty-four hours, he wanted them to be his. Free of Cruella. For the first time Jay looked torn, he rubbed the back of his head with a hand with a tight smile._ _

__“Alright, I got enough to break even. So, we’re cool.” He picked up the gloves, Carlos shook his head and Jay folded them neatly._ _

___I left my scissors on the edge,_ Carlos narrowed his eyes at the dirty look. It wasn’t a trick and Jay looked doubtful. _ _

___You can hold my hand._ Carlos rolled his eyes then jumped when Jay took him for his word. They walked in staggered steps. Jay trying to keep one foot ahead. He swept the fur coat up first and draped it over his shoulders. Carlos shivered. He had the pelt. He hated it more now that he needed it, that it gave him warmth and reminded him how cold this world was. Jay did not hand off the scissors, Carlos was surprised he didn’t even notice when they had left his hand. One second Jay was picking them up, then gone. He blinked and leaned front and back, Jay grinned. His smile lopsided and proud to leave Carlos guessing._ _

__Inside they both gasped at the warm air and their bodies shook. Jay brushed snow off the beanie he put on Carlos’ head and bright brown pelt. His eyes lingered at Carlos’ neck, then took him to the elevator without a word. Of course, the light was red in there too. The ride was smooth, Jay stood close but at least kept his hands to himself._ _

__Carlos pulled his shoulders tight when the elevator rang. When Jay stepped closer, Carlos knew it wasn’t their stop and he was putting himself in the way of his exit. Carlos wouldn’t trust himself either. When laughter joined them, he backed against the wall and tugged on the lapels of Jay’ suit._ _

__He typed on the screen, _hide me_! Cornered, Jay blocked the open side of Carlos’ face with his arm against the wall, his body a shield and close. He stared down and Carlos felt he was looking back up at the stars. Gravity pulled him down and he sank into the wall, Jay stepped closer. His leg slotted perfectly to support him. _ _

__Time was slowing._ _

__Jay checked over his shoulder and wrapped his arm around Carlos and pulled him to his chest. They stumbled into the hall, Carlos fell into his chest. Jay laughed it off, his smile the perfect show for the onlookers. They didn’t look twice their way, Jay touched his back and followed the length of his body to take Carlos’ hand again. The trust wasn’t there. Carlos didn’t mind. It was like being on stage with Jay. His eyes were on him, judging and waiting to give him a score, a review that would break or make him._ _

__He swiped a keycard, the room was dark. There was nothing special, one of the few bought outside the hotel block associated with the event. Carlos made a face, wasn’t Jay a fan? Everyone wanted to live the Cruella experience._ _

__Jay pounded the little box on the wall and kicked up the heat._ _

___Broke in_? Carlos held up Jay’s phone to his face. Jay grinned something wolfish._ _

__“Well, C. You see,” he laughed at the play of his words, “I kind of have been robbing the place.” He emptied his pockets with jewelry, money clips, and the scissors suddenly made an appearance. “Looks like we both had a busy night, ‘eh? We both got secrets.”_ _

__Jay poked at the pile, he sighed. Carlos had seen that face on Cruella, on all of her clients._ _

___Not enough?_ Carlos asked._ _

__“The suit, the room, the ticket. Maybe less than even.”_ _

__Carlos dropped the pelt onto the pile. He’d need to find a seller but someone would know the De Vil brand. It had been seen on Cretin. That was the starring piece of the collection._ _

___I don’t need it. Don’t want Cruella to have it_. Carlos explained and folded his arms after Jay read the message._ _

__Jay gawked, he wasn’t a fan but he knew what something like that would go for. He’d gotten a few cards at the event, a few buyers already in mind. Carlos couldn’t help but smile. He touched the bottom of Jay’s jaw and closed his mouth._ _

__Ten minutes into his twenty-four hours he had managed to do something good. At least he could leave this world finally doing something right and leaving someone better off._ _

__“Holy shit, man.” Jay turned and put his arms around Carlos and lifted him from the ground. He nearly squeezed the life out completely. Carlos’ vision dotted with spots. He caught himself on the wall and Jay had his shoulders,_ _

__“Fuck. Sit. Shit. You’re freezing.” He guided him to the bathroom and forced him to sit on the toilet. Jay bustled about turning on the water in the tub, it was massive. The room hadn’t been cheap, even without the event upgrades. The cold had sunk deep into his bones, though it’s hold wasn’t what kept his world spinning and blurred around the edges. Curling in on himself helped eased the pressure and knots in his abdomen._ _

__“Almost ready, but uh, dude. I brought trunks for me,” it might have been a job but what wasn’t a dip in a fancy hotel swimming pool? It had been his plan for the night before the twenty-four-hour plan. His concern was charming. Carlos ran his fingers down the fabric, what was one, one-hundred-thousand-dollar dress? It could use the wash. It probably smelled like smoke from him and his mother and had speckles of blood hidden in the lining. He stepped out of his shoes and breathed. Carlos curled and stretched his toes, the ache tight and burning. His feet were swollen and bruised trapped in the heels a size too small. Cruella knew the measurement. Stuffing his feet in tiny shoes a size too small was an effort to force his feet to conform and shrink. It kept him from moving to fast and running._ _

__Why the fuck had he climbed all the stairs?_ _

__“You’re bleeding,” Jay said the obvious, his knee popped as he crouched beside Carlos. His hand gently running over his ankle to inspect the blisters. Carlos pulled both his feet to the side of the toilet, a dusting of pink shaded his cheeks. Jay’s hands were calloused but his touch gentle. He wasn’t used to not being poked and prodded or not being shoved in a dress and sucking in his already concaved stomach. He could only make himself so small and invisible._ _

__Jay wasn’t looking at the clothing for flaws or worth. He stared at Carlos with concern, it made his heart jump. Heat came to his ears, the rushing water from the tub jarred his senses._ _

__Carlos lifted a hand and startled when Jay caught it. Their eyes connected and shocked in them for different reasons,_ _

__“You looked like you could use help?” Jay suggested quietly. Carlos didn’t admit to the truth, he always looked like he could use some help, but he never needed it and it certainly never came. Warmth prickled over him as Jay’s arm followed the length of his arm and held him at his elbow. Carlos pulled away. Every step toward the tub was on pins and needles. He ignored Jay’s protest about the clothing and climbed into the bath drawn._ _

__He shook under the heat, it stung! It hurt! Carlos pressed his cheek to the cool porcelain and fell into routine: don’t move. Don’t breathe. The water sloshed around him, the heat reactivated and burned him. Jay’s smile was bashful but borderline apologetic. Carlos eyed him and dared a glance down at the clear water, the floating fabric covering Jay’s crotch put him at ease. He wasn’t a creep._ _

__Carlos narrowed his eyes, his glare scathing. What was wrong with him?_ _

__“What? It’s freezing.” Jay spoke over the rushing water and reached for his phone left on the back of the toilet. He unlocked the screen and returned it to Carlos, another act of kindness he didn’t have to show._ _

___Why are you doing this?_ Carlos typed leaving water speckles across the screen._ _

__“I just.” Jay’s eyes brows pulled together, “like I said. We’ve all had bad days. If I’m going to turn this day around, we should be warm first.”_ _

__Carlos sunk lower into the tub, it wasn’t what he meant, but the water stung every time he moved. He’d rather sit still and let the heat work its magic. The water drowned on filling high up to their chests. Jay tied his hair into a bun before he capped the faucet. He offered Carlos a hair tie. A simple gesture would have turned his cheeks pink if the heated water hadn’t beaten him to it. It was not a grand offer, it was effortless, kind, and thoughtless. Carlos hadn’t seen someone so careless. Those who worked for his mother kept their eyes on the design and mouth’s silent. Cruella could make or break you, as long as you produced, she’d only break her son. Everyone was out for themselves; their own success. No one was thoughtless with him. They were not kind and doing nothing without great effort. They pitied Carlos and some laughed at him, a grown ass man tied to his mother? His hands were bound and his assets tied up in loopholes. He didn’t have time or access to his accounts. He didn’t have any idea what he would do if he didn’t have this. He was smart, at least he considered himself to be. He spent his time on planes and cars reading and learning. He just hadn’t had his hands on anything._ _

__Without the rushing water, there was stillness and silence._ _

__Steam weighed down his eyes and his shoulders slouched. The fabric clung to him, let a wet blanket. Carlos kept his legs pulled to his chest his cheek on his knees._ _

__“Your hair looks like shit,” Jay said with his eyes closed and head tilted up toward the ceiling. Carlos spurted a laugh, he leaned into the bite of the water to knock Jay’s knees, excuse you?_ _

__“Your hair was like, fabulous ten seconds ago.” More like two hours, but things got weird on the roof, Carlos gave him the 119 minutes and fifty seconds. “Is it a wig?”_ _

__Carlos mimed cutting his hair, he pulled on the wet stringy strands, uneven at his chin. His heart caught in his throat. It was so. So. Short. He fisted the wet locks and tugged, eyes going wide, worry filling his stomach. Cruella was going to kill him—She’ll find him, she always knew where he was hiding. He was never small enough to be invisible, never unwanted enough to be entirely forgotten. She’d find him and kill him herself, it would be her crowning moment to steal his last seconds of freedom, she’d spit in disappointment._ _

__“Hey, hey.” The water sloshed up to the edges and to Carlos’ collar bone, “It’s okay.” Jay combed at the hair on the other side of his head. “It’s cool.”_ _

__It wasn’t._ _

__“I can fix it.”_ _

__Carlos gestured to the phone, _it doesn’t matter_. Jay watched over his shoulder as he typed and clucked his tongue. _ _

__“For twenty-four-hours it does.” He sat beside Carlos, his hand draped around his back along the edge of the tub, their sides pressed tightly together._ _

__“Do you want to talk about it?”_ _

___Do you want to just tell me what you want?_ Carlos looked him up and down. He was in the entertainment business, he knew what favors cost. Cruella, in a cruel twist of fate, was his only saving grace. No one could be worth more than her clothes. If they wanted to pay for something it was his time wearing clothes down a runway. He nudged Jay, well?_ _

__The face Jay made did bring a smile to Carlos’ face. He jumped back and to the opposite end of the tub, eyes desperate to explain._ _

__He hadn’t meant that! To get that close, he hadn’t meant being close was what he wanted in exchange! “Nothing, I’m not,” Jay was frazzeled and tongue, the entire position didn’t suit him and even he wasn’t sure what to do with himself bumbling about._ _

__Carlos waved his hand, _don’t worry about it.__ _

__“Okay, okay. Seriously.” Jay crossed his arms, “I just, I’m at a loss. You’re Cretin, Carlos.” He corrected, his face still apologetic as he worked out the details. “You’re in a million-dollar gown and, you just—. Fuck you know I’m here robbing the place and you’re just literally walking away from everything.”_ _

__His palm up he corrected the dollar amount with a single finger. The message was lost and the amount was still too much for Jay to find any comfort. He texted,_ _

___It’s not ruined. You can have this too._ _ _

__“What the fuck?” Jay scoffed. Carlos shrugged, if he could he’d give Jay his bank accounts. This is what people did before they died, right? They gave gifts and said goodbyes. Only Carlos didn’t have a soul he wanted to send his farewells to. He’d rather give everyone the finger as he dove towards the pavement. Jay unfortunately had held on tight. He didn’t question his worth before telling him his life was worth saving. Fashion at its core was subject, everyone saw the world differently and Carlos wish he could teach Jay to understand why it was better this way, that there wasn’t a choice._ _

__When the water had gone tepid jay got out first, he wrapped himself in a towel, brought in a change of clothes, and extended his hand to Carlos. Jay hadn’t made it a foot out of the bathroom to give him privacy when Carlos reached for his wrist._ _

__Jay wasn’t the type of person who the world hung onto. His hand flinched ever so slightly, Carlos retreated like he touched fire. There was a silent tension between them. Carlos broke the moment and held up the phone for Jay to unlock it,_ _

__“Pin’s 7101” He explained, Carlos frowned. The information too personal to share, maybe Jay had accepted it didn’t matter, they only had one night before it was over. The time limit the only reason Carlos was giving the stranger a free pass to every secret Cruella masterfully kept hidden._ _

___I can’t get the zipper. Dress is wet._ Carlos explained, his eyes down cast. Turning his back to Jay, he swiped his hand across his neck to pull his hair free from the teeth of the zipper. His fingers instead grazed the air and he slumped, why had he done that? _ _

__Jay’s breath caught as the air hit Carlos’ skin. There it was, he glanced in the mirror, the steam fading quick with the door wide open. Jay stared at his scars and considered him in a new light, the pieces were there, the reasons for his planned flight in sight. Jay helped peel the fabric from his bones and circled to his front. Carlos could handle it himself but Jay was lost in thought, he was a train wreck and his eyes weren’t paid enough to look away like Cruella’s assistants were._ _

__“Carlos,” He whispered. They regarded one another. Carlos could only nod, he understood. He knew everything he was seeing, the scars, the ribs he could count with certainty. Jay held his hand as if he might fly away the hot air blown from the vents. Carlos pointed at the clothes Jay had brought him._ _

__Alone in the bathroom, Carlos scrubbed his face free from the makeup and glitter. Jay hadn’t given him boxers but at least his pants had draw strings, He knotted the waist band twice and it still sagged below his hip bones. Mercifully, the shirt was longsleeve and hung low enough to hide his pelvis. His collar bone was an escapee, and if he didn’t tug up the fabric so was one shoulder. The fabric was stretched thin and worn. It smelled, nothing bad, like a gentle musk and cologne. He inhaled and ease set in him._ _

__Carlos had never worn clothes that weren’t made to present him. He was a walking billboard for the Haus of De Vil; he’d never looked so plain. He ran his hand over his chest, no one had ever given him clothes to wear that didn’t come with the expectation of Cruella’s endorsement. Thin fingers ran along the diamonds wrapped around his neck. His collar so natural he nearly forgotten. He hung his dress over the shower curtain and left the bathroom open for Jay and took the borrowed beanie and hair dryer with him._ _

__“Hey, I made bank tonight so. Let’s eat like fucking kings. Room service,” Jay swatted the back of his hand against the menu, “light it up.”_ _

__Carlos cocked his hip to the side, hand high on his side, _You made bank_?_ _

__“Well. You know,” Jay laughed, “then you can pick first.” He waved Carlos over, there was only one bed. They sat nearest the bedside table, Carlos scanned the menu and felt himself shrug. Cruella picked his meals for him. His meals were small, bite sized throughout the day. Half the time he didn’t know what he was eating just mostly he knew hated it._ _

__“Nothing?” Jay asked, their shoulders touched and he held the menu between them. “Just pick something. Anything. Then I’ll pick something actually good.”_ _

__Carlos pointed, this was Jay’s twenty-four-hours as well. They should be spent with him agonizing over what he should be putting into his body. Jay’s eyebrows lifted and his cheeks puffed,_ _

__No? Carlos dragged his finger down one choice—Jay’s lips pulled to the side like he’d seen something painful. Carlos tried twice more, each face worse than the last. When he found Macaroni and Cheese and Jay gagged he knew he was being fucked with. Carlos snatched the menu and slapped Jay’s thigh with it. The other’s laugh was warm and brightened up the room,_ _

__“So Mac and Cheese?” He asked._ _

__Carlos nodded. He didn’t need to see the menu again. He couldn’t remember the last time he had it. Of course it had been from a box, he’d been very young, and it was a nanny who brought it over. He’d never forget the taste or how he never saw that nanny again. Jay picked up the sleek black phone and ordered steak, mac and cheese, two bottles of wine, and three different kinds of cheesecake. He called right back and asked for an appetizer and soda as well. Carlos felt himself stare, where did he think they were going to keep all that?_ _

__“Hey.” Jay grinned, “We are not in a judging mood tonight.” His finger flicked the tip of Carlos’ nose. There was nothing to joke about, but Carlos had been miserable for so long, the humor had been sucked out of every situation, he couldn’t help himself. He snorted. There was nothing left to do but enjoy the hours he’d given him. It was borrowed time and he wanted to live them._ _

__Carlos picked up the hair dryer. He pointed to Jay’s bun._ _

__“Nah, it’s pretty dry. Need help?” Boundaries of possessions was a fuzzy line in Jay’s book, he grabbed the dryer without much thought and plugged it in without waiting for an answer. He climbed behind Carlos and waved his fingers in his choppy two-toned hair as the machine screeched. The howl hid the beating of his heart in his ears. Carlos watched in a mirror across from the bed. Jay was shirtless. Pantless. He’d only had his boxers that he hadn’t given to Carlos. He flinched every time the metal of Jay’s gold rings brushed against his neck, the warm wave of the hair dryer quickly melted the chill back._ _

__“Damn this is nice,” Jay fanned the back of his own head where the water had managed to get him but didn’t bother with his bun._ _

__Models had their hair done a thousand times, Carlos thought he could have his hair done a thousand more times and nothing would ever feel like this blow out again. He fingered the fluffy locks then brought the beanie to his head when Jay snatched it!_ _

__“Whoa, don’t mess up the do, bro!” Jay tossed the hat on the floor, Carlos spun on him, hand slapping the down comforter. He pointed, _pick that up_! _ _

__Jay’s grin only grew, twisted and lopsided. “Oh, don’t like messes?” he yanked the hair dryer from the outlet and swung the cord in small circles, “Whoops.” He dropped that on the ground too._ _

__Carlos popped up with a frown, the sudden burst and heat of the bath and blowout had done him in. The room went horizontal and black._ _

__“Oh,” Carlos moaned softly coming back with a tingle in his nose and toes. His ears rang and burned with rushing blood. Brown eyes fought to stay up, he looked like a dog with its tail between his legs. He wasn’t supposed to faint, if he felt ill he needed to just go away, Cruella told him to sleep it off in the toilet. Jay brushed hair from his face, he soothed his concerns quietly,_ _

__“I got you, Pup. You with me?” Jay eased him onto the bed, he laid Carlos’ legs over the pile of treasure to get his entire body flat. He touched Carlos cheeks with he back of his hand, then grazed his collar bone. Carlos didn’t have to be entirely lucid to follow his thoughts, Jay’s eyes were picking him apart. This vulture would starve, no sign of meat anywhere on his bones. He took Jay’s hand and gently guided it down his sternum. Every divet and bone without a layer of fat for protection. Carlos followed the path on Jay’s chest. His body rippled with muscles. He dragged his fingers over his ribs and down to his hips._ _

__Even if he talked, he’d rather not speak on this. Jay’s thumb combed over his hip bone,_ _

__“How about desert first?” Carlos clucked his tongue at the suggestion, then nodded. For the first time thinking to himself, what was going to stop him?_ _

__Dinner came and it was the first time Carlos had eaten in bed. They balanced plates on their thighs and carefully placed the plates around Jay’s pile of thieved goods. Carlos warily eyed them and the beanie still on the floor. They couldn’t leave this laying around! The need to clean and perfect engrained into every fiber of his being._ _

__“We’ll get in a second, pup. Come on, ah!”_ _

__Carlos leaned back with the fork just in front of his face. He looked to the steak then Jay, hadn’t they agreed on dessert?_ _

__“Ah!”_ _

__Carlos opened his mouth, the fat and sauce melted on his tongue. He covered his lips with the side of his hand, afraid drool had escaped him. Metal prongs dragged along Jay’s teeth, his lips stretched ear to ear, he knew how damn good it was. He offered Carlos another slice, his piece not even a third of what Jay had cut for himself. Carlos was thankful, two bites in and already he felt pulled down by the meat._ _

__“Let’s try the mac,” Jay motioned for him to go first and carefully Carlos threaded a noodle with a single prong on the fork. His eyes closed as his lips wrapped around the cheese coated pasta. It was better than he remembered, everything he wanted, and nothing he should ever have. He got a noodle on every prong and offered his share to Jay, he smiled when he ate out of his hand, just as he had._ _

__“Liquid gold, my man.” Carlos rolled his eyes, another bite and he felt himself agreeing. This is what gold tasted like. Truly it was no carrot and the richness of each meal filled him quicker than any rolled turkey or raw vegetable. Jay had gotten through an entire steak when he realized Carlos’ plate remained without a sizeable dent._ _

__“It’s cool, we can snack later, right?” Jay glanced around the room, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, “Fuck these places you know?” He knocked the tips of his toes against the dresser where a fridge ought to be. “Fancy hotels never have fridges in them.”_ _

__Jay gathered their dinner and was grateful for the small mercy it came with silver plater covers. Carlos sat against the headboard watching him take it all to the balcony. Jay didn’t say only fancy hotels had balconies anymore. They were too much of a risk factor, they must also be closer to the ground floors to have one. No one could jump without interference this close. Carlos hugged a pillow and sank onto his side._ _

__This is why he hadn’t want to wait, he started thinking about what it would be like if he survived the fall. Carlos had the worse luck, it would be his luck he’d miraculously survive and be given to Cruella’s care._ _

__“Want a drink?” Jay opened the bottle of wine in front of the bed, shirtless he had no secrets to convey or hints he’d put anything in the drink. Carlos accepted a glass. If he drank it he could just sleep and wake up back on the roof, hell, maybe this was the dream. Jay, his subconscious’ last-ditch effort: this is what’s out there, you can’t have it, but isn’t it nice to picture?_ _

__“Cheers,” Jay purred. He gave Carlos a moment, back to him he begun cataloguing each of the stolen goods. Carlos catalogued his reactions. The fur was no interest to him, though it would get him the highest bid. His eyes lingered on the jewels. He held them above his head and squinted trying to pick their worth on the spot. He took his time thumbing through the wallets he pilfered. His head shook, disappointed? There was money in each of them, Carlos didn’t understand but didn’t ask for clarification._ _

__Jay looked up, the phone scooted slowly across the bed. He flopped onto his back and met Carlos halfway. His fingers deftly typed the pin as he read the screen over his head,_ _

__“Is this what I do for a living?” Jay barked a laugh. He grinned at Carlos,_ _

__“No? Yes? My dad, he’s like big time.” Jay’s hands popped wide and quick like a firework. Big time doing what, Carlos wondered. He knew big time, The Haus De Vil made people big time. Unless Jay was a phantom in his father’s shadow, he’d never seen him at any event. Hunger was a drug, it dulled and numbed his mind, but knowing faces and names had saved him so many times. If he had to focus on one thing it was those around him. Connections. Horrors. Nightmares. They all had their associations._ _

__“You wouldn’t know him,” Jay waved his hand, swatting the thought away from them both. “Not in your circle.” Carlos watched Jay smile when he touched his shoulder for him to read the phone,_ _

___What circle is that?_ _ _

__“Glam. Glitz. Grandeur.”_ _

__Carlos didn’t change the message in his phone and pushed it into Jay’s face again, he laughed, “Come on, Pup. You know what I’m talking about.”_ _

__The highlights of his life came under the stage light. There was two people he had actually considered maybe something, though their relationship stemmed for their personal gain, he had begun to like their company. There was the pity look on Jay again, the worry and puzzles coming together to the same conclusion: that’s why you’re going to jump._ _

__Carlos typed and held the phone up again above each of their heads. Jay grunted, Carlos’ grip was weak It fell against his chin. Jay scooped it up, held it for him, and read aloud, “It’s okay.”_ _

__“It’s not, Carlos.”_ _

__Carlos typed, ‘ _Can we not talk about it?’__ _

__“As I was saying,” Jay took over the conversations like it had never stopped. Carlos listened and watched. Jay sometimes glanced at him but mostly watched the ceiling especially when his voice got lower. “He is mafia. This stealing? He would probably cut off my hands. He has other ways to get what he wants. But it’s good for me.” Carlos asked how with his eyes, Jay went on._ _

__“We don’t talk anymore. It’s so fucking hard for me to work in this city. Everyone is in his pocket. They don’t want to deal with him, right? He wants me to take over the family business and shit.” This was his rebellious phase, going good by stealing rather than other under handed dealings? Carlos couldn’t even ask why tell him, the answer obvious. Carlos wasn’t going to be around much longer to rat out his location. Even if he lived another week a word wouldn’t pass his lips._ _

__He understood what it meant to be trapped under a thumb and everyone’s hands tied around him. Clearly Jay had some reprieve, someone willing to risk a buck for his found treasures. The coat would buy him a lot but, his thin fingers trailed over the rocks linked about his neck. He tapped Jay’s shoulder before rolling onto his side and presented his neck to the other. A thin finger pointed at the clasp and Jay freed him. His knuckles brushed the nape of his neck and the room was suddenly warm again. He dropped the chain of diamonds onto Jay’s chest._ _

__“What,” Carlos wasn’t the only one speechless in the room. Palm upright, Carlos refused the bundle. This was yet another gift to give, his parting to the world._ _

__“You can’t be serious, dude.” Jay said and was ignored. Carlos favored the pillow top comforter instead. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept on a real bed. His mother kept him on a mattress in her closet, small and bumpy. She said he wouldn’t grow if confined. There wasn’t any more growing at this age, all she had managed was shrinking his heart at an alarming rate._ _

__Certainly, he never slept in a bed next to a man like Jay before. Comfortable in his own skin to be nearly nude with a stranger, a model revered for his beauty. He hadn’t batted an eye. Something plastic nudged his arm, Carlos looked. Jay pressed the phone against him. He had nothing to say but still Jay insisted._ _

___What makes tonight different_? Jay had typed. It wasn’t the text that made him smile, it was Jay communicating with him on his level. The silence felt secretive, he didn’t want anyone to know. He glanced at Jay and tested his patience._ _

__Carlos replied, _I’m stronger tonight.__ _

___I guess we have different thoughts of strength._ Carlos scooted closer and Jay held the phone just above them both for him to read the message in real time._ _

___I’m not sad about it_. Carlos held the phone lower, using Jay’s arm as support to type where they could read. _I promise I’ve made my peace with it, I’m okay.__ _

__Jay took the phone quick. _No. This isn’t okay. You don’t want to kill yourself, you want to kill the feeling you’re having right now_._ _

___Thank you,_ Carlos didn’t know what to say. Jay clicked his tongue, the urge to rip the phone away radiated from him. Carlos gave him a little more, _this has been a feeling my whole life….__ _

___What about right now?_ _ _

__The question was hardly fair. These hours were the outlier to his entire average life. They were a red herring. A distraction. If he fell for this plight he’d be damned every other day. Already Cruella likely called for her mutt, she’d have to smile at the guests and for the cameras but her resolve would break. Carlos couldn’t go back now, not ever. His entire life. This was all he’d known. She wouldn’t allow him to walk on stage again. She’d cut his ankles for running if he didn’t jump. He’d be nothing, a single mention in a tabloid, the rest would be written about her. If he didn’t go back, if he went to the top floor he would just be free and that was enough._ _

___Right now,_ Jay typed again and showed him._ _

__Jay was trying to distract him again. Carlos wanted to fall into the trap, eat more macaroni and take another bath. To have someone blow dry his hair that wasn’t yanking on the ends in a frantic pace before a photoshoot started. He wanted to inch his way closer to this stranger and pretend a little longer he wasn’t on the clock._ _

__“No,” Carlos was pinned under Jay’s gaze. The questions on his face unreadable while something else rooted him. The phone was lost between them._ _

__“What if we just…ran away?” Jay asked, “away from the Isle. Across the ocean.”_ _

__“Wh,” Carlos’s lips flapped he wasn’t struggling to form words only to find them. Why? How?_ _

__“I need to run from my father you need a second chance.”_ _

__“You don’t know me,” Carlos whispered. Jay breathed in his words and held them close and held his breath. If he breathed too loudly, he might miss whatever came next. Carlos’ patience would out last his anyday._ _

__“Maybe we both need a bit of the unknown right now.” Jay more than his father’s son and Carlos, someone other than Cretin._ _

__Carlos shifted under his gaze, his mouth moved and his fingers touched his throat. The words were always there, he just couldn’t use them. He’d perfected the art of silence it was difficult to move away from it. Jay tried to wait._ _

__“If it’s miserable, maybe I’ll jump off the roof with you.” Carlos was horrified by the thought, he didn’t want to drag anyone down with him. Not Jay, especially not him. He was meant to do good in the world, to find the hopeless on roofs and ground them a little._ _

__“Twenty-four hours, okay? We can think about it then.”_ _

__Like magnets, their eyes locked on one another. Carlos wanted Jay to ramble again, to fill the silence and out play the drumming in his ears. It had been too long since he’d been with someone. Jay was too handsome and if these were his last twenty-four hours, in life or on the Isle. He wanted to do a little more living._ _

__“Jay,” he whispered._ _

__“Yeah?” The other leaned in, the magnets had spread, Jay leaned in and Carlos tilted his chin up. So much of his life was being a blank slate for Cruella to paint on. Showing this interest, the smallest hints of want had him burn with embarrassment._ _

__Carlos didn’t know how to ask for anything. Tonight he had resolved himself to simply taking what he wanted. For the second time this night, Carlos leaned into the unknown. His lips touched Jay’s, skin on skin. He opened his eyes. Jay’s were closed and he was waiting. Carlos tilted his head and pressed harder. The red light gone, Jay opened his mouth and worked his magic. He was a thief. He robbed Carlos of his breath and senses. There was nothing like a kiss on the brink of death. Lips apart, Carlos was lightheaded._ _

__“Don’t pass out again on me, Pup.” Jay traced his knuckle along his jaw. Staring up at Jay was the same as looking down at the city. He could still see the city reflected in his eyes and Carlos wanted to dive in all the same. They were both the void and Carlos’ was and idiot for walking toward them. It just felt right, he felt hopeful. He wanted! Looking at him was torture. He’d known nothing like this and how could he trust a stranger to give it to him?_ _

__Carlos blinked tears from his eyes, why was a stranger the only one giving this to him?_ _

__“I’m scared,” Carlos sniffled. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want to know this life anymore._ _

__Thick fingers cupped his face. Jay didn’t look away, he didn’t rush his words. Time moved slower the closer you were to Earth’s core. Carlos was grounded, a gravitational pull finally had a hold of him. A soft understanding smile worked onto Jay’s mouth._ _

__“I can show you a whole new world.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> lolol you enjoy that Aladdin line? Hurt Carlos fics are my fav. So yeah, if this goes well I might indulge and do some more ohohoho. Please be sure to comment!


End file.
